The Donut's Best Friend (no more)

Today, was a good day--of sorts.

To start out with, B.J. and I have been having some misunderstandings as to what creates a good marriage, a sound relationship, and what mutual respect looks, sounds, and behaves like. We were having one of our (rare) spats. I was trying to communicate with him (explicitly--since we all know expecting him to know implicitly is a pipe dream--really, for all men) what it is, exactly, that I need as a female to feel loved and appreciated. I really am not asking (in my opinion) for much: I need to hear 'I love you' more than just at bedtime before we both fall into unconsciousness, I need him to make some decisions on his own, as a man, without me telling him what to do (imagine that!), and I need him to be a partner in raising our children--as in every weekend day if I'm otherwise engaged between 9:30-10:00 am they need a snack and instead of telling them everything they can't do, please, please, please, take my one piece of parenting advice (to save us all some sanity): re-di-rect!!! I really don't think that is too awful much to ask for. Truly. I'm not asking for a Ferrari, or diamonds (though, I likely wouldn't object to them too much), or a bouquet of roses every night after I clean the house (hmm...again, wouldn't protest if it were to happen). I just want simple respect.

Anyhow, our 'discussion' of the aforementioned issues spilled into this morning. Yuck. I was so annoyed and agitated I just couldn't think. I couldn't say anything nice (and shutting up was excruciatingly painful) so I decided to listen to that little 'nudge' that the Spirit gives me every so often: It told me to leave the house and go for a walk. A walk? You mean exercise? Fresh air? Movement? GASP! Well, I did. I wound up lacing up my sneakers and stuffing my head into a winter cap to go for a walk. As I went about my preparations I went to grab my iPod for entertainment: dead. So, I thought I'd call my neighbor who I often talk with about personal issues and who, like myself, is trying to get into shape: still asleep. So, I stomped out my front door expecting to wilt of boredom on my walk. My walk was anything but boring.

For about the first 1/2 mile of my walk (uphill!!!) I grumbled and griped and complained in my head about what was vexing me. My mood was not improving. Then something happened: I remembered that I could take this time of quiet and solitude to talk with my Creator. And talk I did. I talked to the Boss for nearly a whole hour.

It was wonderful. I poured out my heart and my soul, begging forgiveness for my shortcoming and weaknesses as a mother, wife, friend, and human being. I let out my fears and anxieties. I prayed for B.J. and for myself. It was such a conversation, I nearly didn't want it to end.

By the time I returned to my front doorstep, my mood was improved, I felt a lot better (mostly from my time with my Maker, but also from a vigorous mostly-going-uphill walk in the South Hills), and I was ready to face the day.

With my amended attitude (though still somewhat annoyed--see 'what I need to be loved' regarding Snack) we left for church. We decided to try out a new feature of church: CORE. It was designed with married couples with small children in mind, to meet their spiritual and emotional needs at the point of time in life they are. It is a group of about 40 or so people. Often, I have issues going into established groups like this. I feel all sweaty and nervous and turn into a wallflower (I know, hard to believe, but true). I feel intimidated and I get a case of 7th grade ego: where I think they're all judging me, talking about me in a negative way, and generally finding me not member material. It is silly, but its true.

To my great pleasure they were very welcoming, friendly, and they approached us. They made us to feel a part of the group immediately. I would reckon that about 5 separate couples came up to us and introduced themselves, welcomed us, and inquired about who we are and our children. It was amazing. Truly. In my experience with churches in this town, we have not had a very warm or even friendly reception when we've visited or tried anything out. This was just what I think we needed. One of the topics that they address is marriage building. Visiting this group couldn't have come at a better time. It was also an answer to a small but honest prayer uttered this morning on my walk. Thank you, Lord, for small miracles, and for nudges in the right direction.

I have many lines from movies that are among my favorites; one of my favorite lines comes from the Sandra Bullock film HOPE FLOATS, it is one character addressing another about a formerly chunky high school classmate (who had gotten thin in the interim years):

...Oh, you know Dot: the donut's 'best friend.'

Normally, at gatherings like the one at church today that describes me: The donut's best friend. I always find a way to meander over to the donut and coffee table and find a sugary carb-cake to keep me company (or my mouth full, and unable to talk) when I'm nervous. Today, I went with B.J. over to the donut table where he loaded up a dessert plate full of cookies, brownie, and donut, whereas I, even after being offered said new and improved lifestyle offending consumables, politely declined. Yup. Another small answer to prayer: staying with my decision and not cheating or short-changing myself. I was not the donut's best friend. Amen!

As I've said before, thank God for small victories: I've added another to my list.

B.J. and I will be OK. We're fighters; we don't give up. And, despite all that has gone on this weekend, I'm OK, too.

Ham Day...part deux.

Do you ever have days where you feel like you accomplish absolutely nothing, yet when you go through your 'to do' list, you've hit 99.5% of what there was?

Well, believe it or not, today was a 'I feel like I got zilch done, but really we did a lot' kind of day.

Kitchen cleaned (for the 12th time). Check.
Fall/Harvest decorations down and put away. Check.
Christmas storage bins down from attic (minus the nagging, I only asked B.J.one time). That's a 'double' Check-Check.
(Faux) Fir tree assembled. Check.
Christmas tree decorated. Check.
Main living areas ho-ho-holiday-fied. Check, check, check.
Broken antique Christmas ornament cleaned up. Check.

Christmas portraits. Check.

Here's where you insert the needle-scratching-vinyl-record soundbite.

This is another post, for tomorrow, entirely.

Let's just say, it was SOOOOooo much fun, it gets its own entry. Nuff said.

Christmas lights (minimal) up outside.

So, despite all my accomplishments for today, I feel like I just went in circles and got nothing done.

I'll post more tomorrow. About Christmas portraits. (insert soundbite from shower scene from PSYCHO....here!).

Why did both of them have to get sick for us to have a nice day together?

That is the question B.J. asked me as we were cleaning up the kitchen this evening.

I don't know. Why is it that once both of our little monkeys are with the sniffles that we have a nice family afternoon together? Maybe it is because they've both slowed down enough to leave 'warp drive.' Maybe it is because, praise the Lord, we had an entire day free of sibling squabbles and rivalry. Maybe we'll never actually know.

We really did have a nice afternoon today. We decided that since it was so rainy and ugly outside today that there were two options open to us: 1) lay around the house all day like slugs, watching DVDs (for the millionth time), or 2) load up the family in the mommy-mobile, spend some of the money burning a hole in our pockets up at IKEA.

We chose option 2.

On the drive up the kids snoozed and/or spaced out. It was quite nice as it allowed us a modicum of peace and quiet that we usually do not get to enjoy on family car trips. The drive would have been really nice if I hadn't been white-knuckling the arm rest all the way to the store. When it rains and pours (as it often does in this state) and the traffic doesn't slow down and there's oh, say, less than 2 car-lengths between the cars--and very poor visibility--I turn into a nervous wreck. I worry (with what possible change to life's outcomes, I don't know) endlessly that there will be a massive pile-up of cars on the interstate. It is fruitless for me to do so, but I suppose it is a little Post-traumatic stress left over from a really bad car-wreck I was in when I was about 18 (it was a 3 car pile-up).

While we were at IKEA the kids were fantastic. They stuck with us, followed directions, ate their lunch without any screaming, throwing of food, or planning a massive coup d'état. I call that a successful trip. Although we did not have any luck finding the right measurements for wooden mini-blinds (dang! that means it will be at least $100 per window...and I have how many windows in my house? 1...2...5....7....) we did find some really neat little gadgets and storage devices.

Once home, the peace continued. After checking my vital stats more than once to see if I had passed to the hereafter, we managed another beautifully orchestrated and peaceful meal. The chubber was too tired to keep his little eyelids open, and passed out in my arms on the couch post-meal.

This left us open to make some pumpkin bread (thanks for the inspiration from Martin Bliss). Generally Chublet is my co-conspirator in gustatory experimentation, but tonight Peanutzilla wanted to help out. Normally, Peanut attempting to be my helper in the kitchen results in a melt-down (hers and mine) because impulse control and the ability to follow simple directions are more difficult that you could imagine. But, tonight the good vibe of the afternoon followed with us. Peanut was compliant, helpful, cheery, and we had fun measuring, dumping, and mixing the dough. Not a temper-tantrum or melt-down to be seen.

I just love when we have good days. They truly are so far and few between for our family. Usually Peanut and Chubb-chubb like to 'tag-team' with the naughty behavior. Once one is subdued the other jumps in with 'round 2' of bad behavior. Today, it wasn't the case. It makes me wonder if this is what an average middle-of-the-road family experiences on a somewhat frequent basis. I hope so.

What a lovely day. Perhaps sickness is underrated? I hate to think today was as good as it was due to both of them having a cold...

I'll just savor the memory of this afternoon, and hold tight to it for those days that are more frequent in this household, the days where mommy is red in the face and the monkeys are swinging from the proverbial chandelier.

Sunriver

Well, here I am, at last, with time to write about our little holiday in the mountains. In a nutshell: we had a blast, and we definitely got the most 'bang for our buck.' We were up in Sunriver from Friday through Wednesday--our first real 'vacation' since Chubbers was born.

Our Holiday week started out on a funky note. But, then, when you're talking about me, would it start out any other way? We had hoped B.J. would luck out and get Thursday, July 5Th off, so that we could head up on the Fourth of July--but no such luck. Ya win some, you lose some, and with that we packed up the van on Thursday evening/Friday morning and were about ready to head out of the driveway (quite literally, we were all buckled in, engine running) and B.J. gets a call on his cell phone.


'Oh crap.' I thought to myself. Something has come up--the house caught fire, the roads were washed out, lemmings are falling from the sky (hey, when I panic, I do it up right). Nothing so dramatic as all that, thankfully. Just an hour and a half detour added to our drive to swing by the in-laws house and pick up the accidentally forgotten pool passes for our vacation (they were going to be dropped off at the Sunriver house...but life got in the way). No biggie. There's a reason why I have a built-in DVD player in my van--PARENTAL SANITY!

En route to getting the passes in Eugene, my meticulously mapped out Letterboxing (click the link, and it will fill you in--yes, I keep saying I'll write a blog, I've been too lazy so far...) route got all messed up--as in the stops were off of HWY 20/22 and we would be driving up HWY 58 to get to our destination. I decide this won't work, and, besides, after my raspberry mocha from the Evil Empire I had to pee, and thus the Peanut and I detoured to the U. of O. to a) go pee, and b) print out a new letterboxing agenda that worked with HWY 58. (Yes, indeed, I am insanely obsessed with my hobby.).

It was interesting to see the changes at my Alma Mater. It has been a total of 7 years since I received my B.A., and 5 years since my Master's degree. The exterior of the university hasn't much changed, but I noticed subtle interior changes; changes that made me feel old. That surely sucked. I had to ask the librarian for help (how on earth do you print out stuff anymore...?). But, with a little patience we were 'good to go.' With new letterboxing agenda and little Peanut in hand, we walked across campus, met B.J. outside of MacArthur Court, and yo-ho-ho and away we go.

The drive is beautiful, and we've forgotten how green and lush the vegetation is on the way up to Willamette Pass. It had been a full 4 years since we had driven to Sunriver via 58. Time flies when you're having babies.


We stop in LaPine to do a little letterboxing/hiking. It is good for the kiddos (and us) to stretch and move around; we reach our box and are rewarded with views like this: The view of the Deschutes river from the hidden letterbox location at "Big Tree" (incidentally, a 1,000 foot tall ponderosa pine tree--'big tree' as a site name seemed a trifle understated).



When we make it to Sunriver we immediately dump off our stuff and head to the pool. It is hotter than a frying pan, and we're all hot, dusty, tired, and in serious need of some refreshing. The pool definitely does the trick. In fact, we spend every afternoon for each day of our holiday at either the North or South pool--miraculously (and thanks to a neurotic sunblock-a-holic) nobody but B.J. (who refuses to wear sunblock) gets burned. Yippee! I have accomplished my personal goal of no sun burnt babies and very little tan lines. I just love the new continuous spray sunblocks--I can even get my own back with them, and they dry almost instantly. (Yes, this is me in my swimsuit from hell.)


We did a lot of walking around in Sunriver, but the majority of our walking around and hiking came in the form of letterboxing. This is the insane (and utterly fun) letterboxing itinerary we followed: Pilot Butte--I just love this picture I took of of Peanut and Chub-chub on the top of the butte:


Peanut climbed up on the post all by herself, with no prompting from me, and as you can see Chubbers is in the dirt--something that would be repeated again, and again, during this trip, prompting us to nickname Chubbers "Pigpen" in honor of the chronically filthy Peanuts character.

We also went to sites at: Shevlin Park Covered Bridge (in Tumalo); Sawyer Park: #1 (couldn't find box 2 or 3--very frustrating); Hollinshead Park; Widgi Creek (next-door to the Seventh Mountain Resort) and Cascade Lakes Scenic Byway.


Another box we found was called Quacker Backer Central Oregon Where I waited with the kiddos in the van since it was out in the brush (we're talking no paved roads, here) and not developmentally appropriate for a 1.5 year old and a 4 year old to tag-along. While waiting I got out of the van periodically to look to see if B.J. had headed back yet (he was far enough out I couldn't see or hear him) and in the process, brain-trust that I can be, [I am not thinking of wild animals out here] I startle and in turn am startled by an 800lb. ELK! I about peed my pants (I had to go already and was doin' the dance) with fright.


It was at that point I, after I recovered my wits, I began looking at the various animal tracks in the dust and mud where we were, and only then did I notice the abundance of Elk and Deer tracks (cool) and (gulp) Lynx tracks! I could hardly wait for B.J. to get back--all the while having visions of him being mauled violently after unknowingly startling a sleeping wild cat while looking for a letterbox. In the end, no harm, no foul. It turned out to be a really cool and really, really, remotely placed stamp.


We had several other 'attempted' letterboxes--boxes we tried to locate but later found out I missed finding one by 5' (grrr! how frustrating) and also finding out a number of the boxes were missing (double grrr! it would be nice if the box owners would take the 'clue' out of circulation if they aren't available!!).


One of our adventures that resulted from chasing down a missing box was visiting the Lava Cast Forest. When we embarked on this journey, we didn't realize that it involved going off-road to get to the hike. Off-road. In. A. Mini-van. (secretly, I think that this was so totally exciting!). If I still had had my Explorer, going off-road, down dirt trails, over curbs, through small rivers--no big deal. But, this was in a van. Pretty gutsy. The picture doesn't look too bad, but just imagine an old-time aluminum wash board. Yep, you know the kind. Now, apply that zig-zag pattern, horizontally with 3-4" grooves to the road. For NINE miles. Then you have an idea. The kids had a blast. Little kids love to go "uhhhhh" (a monotonous tone with the voice) when going over a few bumps in suburbia, well, they had the time of their lives going 'uhhhh' for 9 miles each way. B.J. and I laughed so hard. Where is Bill Cosby, when you want him? We ended up not finding the box (the author informed me it was missing) but the sites, and geology we learned about was worth it--me being the dyed-in-the-wool-geek that I am, I just ate it up. (I'm going to ROCK! at Jeopardy! some day, all because I went to the Lava Cast Forest). We saw where the Lava flow had gone around the trunks of trees and, miraculously made 'casts' of the trees. Pretty cool beans.


We also went on a wild goose chase at Newberry National Volcanic Monument. It was o.k. though, because, again (me being a geek) we learned a ton about our local geology, and got in a couple of cool hikes (Big Obsidian Flow & Newberry Crater). The views were spectacular.



We spent the entire week together, as a family. It was fun, relaxing, and a good way for all of us to connect. However, like all good things, this too, had to come to an end.

We (B.J. and I) have been coming up to Sunriver together for the past 11 years (B.J. has been coming since he was 4 or 5 years old). We have shared a lot of good times together at the Sunriver house, we've grown, changed, and learned a lot. So, it was with bittersweet tears that we said goodbye this time. This visit was our last visit, ever, to this house. The family has decided that the house has served its purpose and it is time to move on. And thus has ended another chapter in our lives together: Goodbye Sunriver.










We made the most of it, and it was a good run.

Singles

After my last post, this one is a bit more light-hearted. *sighs of relief* Sometimes It is so cathartic to whine about something, get it out, and then move on. Anyhow...

B.J. and I got to experience life in the single lane. The single lane, you ask? Well, I'll tell ya--life sans fils for a whole weekend (right about here, you should be hearing the Hallelujah Chorus).

Yes. That's right. We spent an entire weekend ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Holy cow, Batman, would someone knock me upside the head with a Louisville Slugger to see if I'm dreaming?

A little background: (cue the violins) We have not had an entire weekend to ourselves in approximately 4 years, 2 months, 7 days and some hours, but who's counting? With the introduction of my beautiful little girl into our lives, we ceased to be a duo, and (duh) became a trio. Great, you say. Congratulations. You had a baby, feel special yet? Well, yes. We love having kids. I cannot imagine my life without them. However, every once in a while they get on ma' nerves. I did get a 'two day break' (thanks to B.J.'s aunt for watching the Peanut) when I gave birth to the Chublet--however I don't really count natural childbirth as a vacation. If you do, then I thoroughly recommend you see some sort of mental health professional because, clearly, your mind is warped or you're having a permanent acid-trip back flash. Seek help.

So, to continue on with our sob story, most folks have relatives who take their kids off of their hands once in a while (I have a dear friend who gets a week off from kids every couple of months, I love her, yet if pygmies attacked her and began to violently stab her with their tiny little spears I might hesitate jumping in to save her...just kidding. I'm happy she gets a break. I live vicariously through her). We would likely have said relatives, but we are, sadly, without grandmothers. Everyone knows grandmas are the ones who really love to take on the kids and spoil them utterly rotten and send the steaming carcasses of your children back to you acting like the wild children of Borneo (revenge, I gather?). But, not in our cases. Ma, why'd you have to go and meet our maker so soon?

Back to the present.

We had a whole weekend.

Alone.

For a short time I ran around in circles, blindly bumping into walls like a demented chicken with her head cut off.

I didn't quite know what to do with myself. B.J. with his zen-like demeanor calmed me down and suggested we go to a movie. A night time movie. So, we did. Just. Like. That. (scratching my head here, that is what we used to do all the time, if I remember correctly) We saw Pirates of the Caribbean: World's End [on a side note, Johnny Depp is just so beautiful]. Then, we went out for tapas and soda (If I'd had a beer I would have fallen asleep at the table-lame, I know. But, I don't generally stay up past 10:30pm on a late night). We sat there and ate our food in a leisurely manner. Talked quietly. Did not have to once threaten "If you aren't going to eat your food, we're going to go sit in the car while daddy and Chub-chub eat their dinners" (it sucks, but it works. I've only had to sit in the car with her a couple of times...). Who knew that boneless buffalo wings were ambrosia of the gods?

Saturday we woke up late (read: 7:00am), ate a lite breakfast at home, and then loaded up in the two-door sports car! YES!!! A two door Mitsubishi Eclipse. No mommy-van that seats 7 for us, instead we crammed ourselves (especially funny as B.J. is 6' 4" tall) into a tiny tuna-can on wheels and scooted to the coast. We drove from Lincoln City down to Florence. It was glorious. We sat in utter silence just absorbing one another's presence. We spent some time doing hikes in state parks and letterboxing, gaining like 11 stamps for the day (the best hike involved crawling along a downed tree below a section of HWY 101 that crossed a river--felt like we were Indiana Jones or something cool like that). We hiked up communication hill at Yaquina Head Lighthouse--what a spectacular view. The car almost got towed from the turnout that we parked at, even though there was no signage to prohibit it. We came down from our hike just in time to see the tow-truck pull up to take the car--a little bit of an adrenaline rush resulted in preventing the towing. It wound up 'all-good' with no mishaps. The lighthouse was gorgeous, and the views...for lack of better diction, utterly breath-taking.

We bummed around in little local shops here and there, full of trinkets and junk, read that as totally and completely inappropriate for kids to enter. It was fun. We even ventured into a glass float shop, chock full of finely blown glass floats, thin glass sculpture, and miscellaneous glass artworks--just because we could.
We didn't hit Florence until about 9:30pm, and decided to head across 126 to Eugene. It was a fun drive. B.J. got to pretend he was on the autobahn (or something) and test out how well the Eclipse held the corners (I do believe that there are little crescent-shaped indentations in the passenger side arm-rest from my death grip as we careened through the corners--yes, I'm a big 'ol baby when it comes to speed). By the time we hit Eugene we were famished and stopped at a favorite place for some appetizers (was way too late for a heavy meal) to fortify us for our hour drive home.

We finally crashed, in our own bed, at about 12:30am. I hadn't been out that late in ages, and could barely keep my eyes open. It is funny to think that I used to stay out until 2, 3, 4am on a regular basis before we had kids. I could do it, I suppose, since I could sleep-in the next day until noon (aah...such memories. Now-a-days I consider 6:30am sleeping in. Ha ha.).

We concluded our weekend as singles by one last-ditch effort at romance--Sunday breakfast out, alone. The coffee was good, the food was sub-par (what I get for letting B.J. indulge in choosing a greasy spoon to eat at...) but it was the company that I was after. It was so nice, again, to eat our food s-l-o-w-l-y, look at one another and just 'be.'

I truly enjoyed the weekend. Big thanks to our friends K & P for taking on the monumental task of watching our rug rats. You allowed us to renew our spirits, our friendship, and get a much needed recharge. It, as I said to a friend of mine, is amazing what being on-call for 4 years straight can do to you. We so completely and totally needed this recharge. We're blessed to have good friends who love our kids and were willing to take them so we could be better parents and a better husband and wife to each other. And-gulp-they said they want to take the kids again for us, at least once, before the end of summer...

Hmm, I'm thinking this time (God and our friends willing it happens) maybe B.J. and I can fire-up our motorcycles....

The Easter Bunny Came to Town

Well, we survived the weekend! Easter weekend is always so busy, especially now that we've got kids.

Saturday we slogged through the rain to do a church sponsored Easter egg hunt. The Peanut was one of about only 3 or 4 little girls who were wearing the requisite frilly Easter dress. She was so dang cute, I couldn't help but let her wear her new dress that she was so excited to finally have. So, there she was in her pretty dress sloshing around in the mud and puddles, slipping on the wet grass, and enjoying every minute of collecting eggs "with treats!!" (chocolates and candies inside--no real eggs anymore, just neon-bright plastic eggs nowadays...).

Chub-chub (my little boy, K. J.) had a blast, too, once he had a good ol' flop-in-the-mud-and-wet-grass-fit. The hunt was advertised as starting at 10am, however, due to rain and stragglers arriving, it actually started at about 10:20am, and that extra 20 minutes put the 19 mo. Chub-chub over his maximum 'waiting' allowed. But, once the hunt got under way, he had fun finding eggs and dropping them into his 'Easter bag' (a gift bag I had left over from a birthday gift, in lieu of the standard basket--that usually results in more dropped eggs than anything).

We followed up our hunting efforts with a trip to the Golden Arches for a side of fries to share and some run around/get dry time for the kidlets and gossip for myself and my friend.

Sunday arrived with the swift deliverance of baskets-o-goodies for the kiddos from the "Easter Bunny" and a trip to the in-laws house an hour away for brunch and another egg hunt. It was, perhaps, the best brunch at the in-laws that I've ever experienced. Everyone was really laid-back, relaxed, and we just enjoyed one another's company and had a blast watching the kids hunt eggs (as opposed to the usual where everyone is tense or stressed for one reason or another and the soon-to-be-ex-sister-in-law was mercifully absent (a random aside: who in h*** wears stillettos to EVERY event, including an outing to the park? Yup. You guessed it: said soon to be ex....I digress)

It was fun while it lasted, but thank goodness Easter comes but once a year.