Patsy Cline said it best: "Crazy"

Here I am, 2:31pm, home and already had my second cup 'o java for the afternoon (I had 2 this morning before leaving for work, and I cheated and had a small (6oz.) cup of BLACK coffee at work...). Apparently I'm working my addiction up to a full pot of coffee a day. And, to think, I'd been doing so well at only having one measly little cup (black!) in the morning before going to work. I've tried to quit coffee, go it the 'tea' way...but let's call a spade a spade: living among roosters as I do, working, having the PEANUT (note: the caps is on purpose)...facing the day without waking up to the smell of syrupy thick espresso strength coffee, to be guzzled by the 12 oz. mug, is like asking me if I'd like a visit from Jack Kevorkian (life without coffee? yes, pencil him in at 3...). So much for the reduction of caffeine. On to bigger things:

I love my Peanut. Peanutzilla; the Chubber calls her "peanut-butter", B.J. often calls her a pain in the _________ (fill in the blank: neck, butt, etc...). I do. I love her so much, I often go into the 'red' caring for her and all of her various needs. I do without, so does B.J. and the Chubb, though the latter doesn't yet realize it. Ask me how long it has been since I had a whole-hog, pull-out-the-stops-vacation. I'll tell you: I don't rightly remember. Far. Too. Long. Ago. After all, I'm the girl who buys (bought) airline tickets to Europe or Hawaii on a spur-of-the-moment 'this price is too good not to buy it' whim. Sigh. Those days are looonnng gone. I'd like to be able to go to the salon every 6 weeks and get my highlights done without my mental abacus going into guilt and worry about bills overdrive, and so I don't look like the bus driver from South Park; I'd like to be able to go shopping once in a while without feeling like I'm going over the precipice and landing us into debt. I'd like to stay in the black, but it just seems like it isn't gonna happen.

Already, this month alone, we're up to about $200 in medical co-pays for Peanut, and it isn't even the end of the month yet. Not to mention, the $2,000 invoice from OHSU that we received the other day that we may be 100% responsible for (maybe the insurance will pay it, maybe it won't. I think that BCBS uses a 'magic 8-ball' to decide on what it pays out on.).

Back to the Peanut, and, more specifically our current situation: Her psychiatrist has recommended we take her to a psychologist (main difference: the former is an M.D., the latter is a Ph.D.) for 'neuropsychological evaluation....[to] rule out other neuropsych dysfunction; to include IQ/LD'. Blah, bluh, bla? Yes. I know, it is partly Greek to me, as well. Basically, we want to find out a baseline for Peanut's cognitive performance. The psychiatrist doesn't do that kind of testing, the psychologist does. So, off I go with referral in hand.

Cha-ching.

The referral we've got in our hot little hands is for an out of network provider. Translation: mucho dinero. I, of course, don't have to have this testing done, but being the compulsive problem-solving mama that I am, I am going to. Because, after all, if this sheds more light on Peanut and how to deal with her 'quirks' I'm all for it. But! It all comes at a price.

The evaluation Peanut needs will run the gamut of $1,200-$2,000, quote that the psychologist gave me over the phone.

Choke-to-death. [insert gagging and vomiting noises here]

The insurance will pay up to 70% of what they deem 'usual and customary fees' (after I've paid my $300 deductible). In normal human being speech that means they will decide what a doctor should charge, and based on what the insurance deems to be the 'appropriate' charge, they will pay up to 70%. So, if they say this type of testing should cost, for simplicity, $10, then 70% of 'usual and customary' would mean they pay $7, leaving me to pay 30% of the balance, or $3. Sounds relatively simple, but when you're dealing with multiple zeroes after the numbers it gets a bit more...hmm...how shall I say it...distressing. Furthermore, if Peanut's psychologist doesn't charge $10 for the testing, but charges $17 for the testing, the insurance still only ponies-up $7, and I'm left with the balance of $10. So, basically I'm a bit on the screwed side.

What is a parent to do? What I always do: try to do the best I can by my peanut. I continue to mumble and grumble over medical costs--but I'm lucky: I at least have insurance. Some folks aren't so lucky, and once upon a time in the recent past I was one of those folks who didn't have insurance...and by God, did I pray I didn't get sick.

I continue to be more and more political; I follow the insurance legislation for my state. I send letters to my representatives and legislators. I've been scheduled to testify in front of the legislature before (though the meeting was cancelled). All in the name of providing my daughter with the necessary medical care she needs to live the fullest and most productive life she can live. So that my husband and I can have some semblance of normalcy in our family: we know and remember all to well what life was like before Peanut had the appropriate therapies and help; life with an untreated child like my girl is sheer hell.

So, the song that plays in my mind's Mp3 player, today, would have to be Patsy Cline's "Crazy," because I'm crazy in love with my girl.

Get on the bus...

Breast Cancer Petition
Urge Congress to stop "Drive-Through" Mastectomies!

"Desperate Housewives" star Marcia Cross joined Lifetime, Senator Landrieu (D-LA) and Representatives DeLauro (D-CT) and Moran (R-KS), at a Capitol Hill press conference on Wednesday, January 23, to give voice to the 20 million signatures collected on myLifetime.com urging Congress to end the practice of “drive-through” mastectomies, when women are forced to leave the hospital following their physically and emotionally difficult breast cancer surgeries before they and their doctors may feel they are ready to go home. Senator Landrieu and Representatives DeLauro and Moran are championing the bipartisan Breast Cancer Patient Protection Act of 2007 (S.459/H.R 758), which includes no mandates but allows a woman and her doctor to

Please visit the website, if you're so moved, sign the petition, and help keep women healthy.

Sign the petition.

Thanks.

PS: this is authentic and verified through Snopes, and your information will not be used for any other purpose than to sign the petition.

PS2: After you sign the petition, treat yourself to a little procrastination and fun by creating a 'be my bra' character. Hey, it's free, fun, and goes to support a good cause.

Jury Duty

I wound up being called for jury duty, and actually had to show up at the courthouse this morning.

See, this is how it works: One day you check your mail and contained within its junk mail, and bill confines is this innocuous little piece of paper informing you of your summons to appear for jury duty. No biggie, just sign the page, return it, and let them know you'll show up (unless, of course you have a valid reason to defer).

This morning, I got to sleep in until a whopping 6:20am! Whoo-hoo! The reason being, I had to report for jury duty by 8:00am. I did not have to wrangle my sweet little children (like the usual 7am morning madness), as dear sweet B.J. was home to watch them (my babysitter is sick, but that's another story unto itself!). So, it meant I didn't need to leave the house until about 7:40am to make it to the courthouse on time.

Upon arrival to the 'Jury Duty Reporting' entrance, I walked into what appeared to be the bowels of the courthouse. A downward sloping sidewalk led me to a door into an institutional white hallway complete with post-9-1-1 security screening. After being screened, I was admitted to yet another bland and cheerless room where I filled out two forms: one to give my name, juror number, and whether or not my employer would pay me for my time away from work to serve on the jury; the other form was a general survey of who I was--my age, marital status, educational background, and hobbies. With those two forms filled out, I waited in a short line to be counted 'present' and be accounted for, to fulfil my charged duty.

What followed was approximately two hours of sitting in a rather uncomfortable chair alongside the perimeter of the dour, fluorescent-lighted space. Thankfully I had my copy of Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. While I was fully diverted by my choice in reading material, the only excitement I was to have while in the Jury selection room was a $1.50 discount coupon to be used at the courthouse espresso bar (which got me a skinny coconut latte-yum!), and listening to Pam, the juror coordinator (I don't know her actual title, but she was the one who made the announcements and herded us around the bowels of the courthouse like a well work-worn Australian Shepherd moves his flock with so little effort). Pam was great. She was as entertaining as watching BBC America, that droll, dry sarcasm and dark humor that I so appreciate.

Toward the end of the 2 hour period I, along with the others, became restless. We wanted to know if we would see 'action' or, if not, could we please just get a move on and get out to live our lives!? Finally, the the announcement came: There would be no jury trials today. We had fulfilled our civic obligation of 'jury duty' for the interim next two years--so, should we receive a summons, we would be able to check the handy little box that states 'ineligible: jury duty in the last 2 years'.

So, while I wasn't exactly thrilled to go, I was able to get out early, having done my 'job' and was able to go and enjoy the remainder of the day with my husband and children.

To celebrate, we made our very first pilgrimage to Chuck-E-Cheese. It was very fun, and the kids had a blast, and, surprisingly enough, they actually make a pretty good pizza.

The great American Justice system and Chuck-E-Cheese. What more can I ask for?

...the blind will see...the lame will walk

Life has a funny way of coming at you--especially when you least expect it. One of the great promises in life is that 'you'll never be given more than you can handle.' I love this promise, because when I'm gasping for air, and the life-ring is too far to reach and the waves are crashing over my head, threatening to pull me under for good, something comes along and buoys me up just long enough to grab that ring, and I make it to safety.



Autism is often that sea that I find myself sputtering in and desperately trying to tread water in order to stay afloat. Peanut has a form of Autism, PDD-NOS (there is debate as to whether or not PDD-NOS is under the 'Autism umbrella' or if Autism is under the umbrealla of PDD-NOS...but, for what is is worth, if you've got either label you're seeing and experiencing the world in a different way.). And, one of the characteristics of PDD that she has is speech and language development delay (communication disorder). She wants to talk to us, tell us things, but the way she can communicate is not always the conventional way that we can and do communicate--leaving both she and us frustrated and incommunicado.



I, just this very hour, read a wonderful article about a 13 year old girl with Autism who was unable to speak (she has apraxia--as in NO language at all) whom, for the first time in her life, has found a way to communicate with her family, and , consequently, the world. Before, the family and 'specialists' thought her to be possibly low functioning cognitively and unable to communicate--other than in non-standard ways (screaming, hittng herself, banging on furniture). She found a way to talk. To commuicate; and, she does so very effectively.



You can read all about her miraculous story of hope here.



Please read it, and file it away in your memory for the next time you're out in public and you see a person having a 'melt-down' or a 'fit' --self-injurous behaviors, screaming, yelling, and the like. Maybe, like the little girl in the article, they just haven't found a way that we understand to communicate with us.



God works in mysterious ways. This article was one of those ways He worked for me: I've grabbed hold of the life-ring, and am being pulled into safety.

A (un)Healthy Heaping of Guilt

I received a link to a wonderful article today. It deals with the guilt that parents of children on the Autism Spectrum feel.

Boy. That surely was a big mouthful.

Yes, it deals with guilt. I think becoming a parent (period!) lends you a heaping helping of guilt to an often previously guilt-free (to a certain extent, of course) life. Having a child with any form of disability gives you that same helping of guilt, just multiplied a few dozen times. As the parent of a disabled child and a 'typical' child I feel like I can speak on behalf of both camps. Between the two opposing sides, I'll take the guilt involved with 'typical' parenting, thank-you very much.

Sigh. I've often wrote of my struggles with parenting my little girl, Peanut, here. In fact, I find that I write about it often enough that one of my 'tags' or post-labels is 'parental struggle'. Isn't that fun? No. I didn't think so either.

I really appreciated this article because it addresses so many facets of the guilt that parents of Autistic children feel. The feeling of 'not doing enough' or guilt that you 'should be doing more' is what really struck a chord within me. I find that I am constantly 'should-ing' myself to death: I should do this...I should contact this specialist....I should be doing MORE to help her out; this form of self flagellation, the act of 'should-ing' myself is a non-productive habit, yet I still engage in it.

According to the article's author, Jene Aviram, I am not alone. I'm normal. All parents in this subset of life, Autism, feel like they're not doing enough. Each of us looks at one another, and we do, and compare ourselves to what the 'other' parent is doing: we always reach the same guilt slathered conclusion--they're doing so much more for their child; I should be doing more to help my Peanut out. Aviram tells us to stop. She seeks to give us that unattainable absolution; she wants to give us permission to take a break, and just be.

It doesn't sound like a novel idea to the parent in the 'typical' camp of parenthood "take a break," but really, it is. Just like those who work in education, public health, or social services know, there is always more that you could or should be doing. You fall into that trap of 'well, if I skip this break, I'll be that much further ahead.' Just the only thing is, there really is no getting ahead. There's always something else to be done, someone else who needs help. It never ends.

Thank you to D.C. for sending me the link. I highly recommend reading this article: THE GUILT FACTOR by Jene Aviram, found on the National Learning Concepts Website.

Perhaps you don't have a child with Autism, but I imagine you know someone who does, or someone who has a child with another form of disability--I think this article can be applied to any other disabled child, as well. It is all about perspective. Enjoy.

Click to help Autism Speaks

I received this today:

Please everyone click on the site, you will be touched forever then forward it on.

Watch THIS video clip...click HERE

The band, Five for Fighting, is generously donating $0.49 to AutismSpeaks for *each time* the video is viewed. The funding goes toward research studies to help find a cure. When you have a moment, please visit the link to watch the video and feel free to link to me, or copy/paste and pass it along to your friends and family. They are aiming for 10,000 hits, but hopefully we can help them to surpass this goal.

1 in 150 children have Autism. If you think it doesn't touch your life, you're wrong. By reading this blog, and knowing me, you know someone who loves a beautiful little girl with Autism. By knowing me, you're separated from knowing someone who has Autism by 'one degree'.

This is something that affects all of us. Please, if nothing else, watch the video and learn some new facts.

Thanks, and warmest regards.

Small Victories

Thank goodness for small victories. Without them, it makes most tasks that require substantial effort nearly insurmountable.

I have decided on a lifestyle change, or rather (more appropriately) I have decided to renew my dedication to changing my lifestyle so that I can be more healthy. Also, to be perfectly honest, I'm sick to death of shopping in the 'porker section' of the store. There's really nothing terribly attractive in the clothing ( beyond about a size 12) choices I may select from, and, I'm tired of being ripped off.

Yup. If you're a porker, you gotta pay more if you want any sort of selection beyond gold lame, butterfly appliqued sweatshirts, and (shudder) elastic waist poly-synthetic pants. Yuck. It is a complete gyp; if you're big, and I am, you pay more. I can't make use of those uber cool sales racks at the T.J. Maxx store or at Ross Dress for Less because, well, they don't go beyond a size 12 (maybe a 14). I want to be able to satisfy my cravings for good deals and walk away from the clearance rack with an entire ensemble costing less than $20. In the porker section? Ain't gonna happen.

So, yeah, I want to be healthier. Ironically, on paper (minus the figure that represents the total number of metric tons that compose my svelte figure) I'm actually pretty healthy already--a drag, because it makes it harder to stay moivated. Its not like I'm suffering from high cholesterol (I'm pretty proud of the fact aht my total cholesterol is about 138--thought I'm working on lowering it more) or I'm diabetic. I think if I had some serious health issue (not that I want one, I don't) I think it would, possibly, be easier to stay focused and on-task. Also, I want to feel better (lighter), and I want to be around for my kids into old-age without being one of those crippled-up, old fat-ladies who scoot around in a 'hover-round' or some such contraption. But-the shallow end of it is I want to look better, too. So, I'm back to watching what I'm eating.

NO. It isn't a diet.

NO it isn't a resolution. If it were a resolution, it wouldn't be successful; who, after all, actually accomplishes 'New Year's Resolutions' anyhow? They're made to be broken.

So, on to my small victory:

I'm sticking to counting calories. 1,500 calories, daily, to be precise. I'm not worrying about any other aspect of the counting game other than the calories. I don't eat processed foods at home (too expensive), so by virtue of the fact I'm sticking to the 1,500 cal/day I'll be eating foods automatically low in fat, cholesterol, sodium, and sugar. Don't we just love us some good salty and sugary foods? I digress.

I need to go grocery shopping (rates about #2 or #3 on my top ten least favorite activities list), as usual. So I have exactly no food in my refrigerator that would be lunch-ish fodder. Unless you count mustard and every other condiment known to western civilization--I don't. So that left us with a dilemma: what to do for lunch.

I know! Go to the evil grease-empire: McDonald's (not to be confused with THE Evil Empire: Starbucks). But, what can I possibly eat there? Everything is deep fried and smothered in chocolate--wait, that's from Shrek 2--at any rate 'healthy choices' and 'McDonald's' aren't typically found in the same utterance.

Let's just say I did some online homework before we left the house. I looked at the available nutritional information for several fast-food restaurants: Quizno's, Subway, Taco Bell, Wendy's, McDonald's, Burger King, Jack in the Box, and Applebee's. Let's just say if you were to look up what you might typically order off of the 'super value/combo menu' you'll be ill to see how many calories you (and I) consume(d). Of the burger joint variety, to my surprise, McDonald's was the healthiest of the options I researched.

Huh?

Strange but true. Applebee's has the healthiest and most appetizing choices for low calorie dining, but, alas, they're considerably more worrisome to the ol' pocketbook. So off to MCD we went.

I succeeded in enjoying (truly!) my lunch, while not utterly 'blowing it' calorically speaking. I ate a Grilled Chicken, bacon, ranch Salad with low-calorie vinaigrette. Surprisingly, it was really good, very filling, and (angels sing, now) it came in at a modest 260 calories. Add in a Diet Dr. Pepper, and I was good-to-go.

Small victories add up. And, this victory made me do the happy dance. Hmm...I wonder how many calories that burned off....

Bah! Humbug.

Go Scrooge yourself.



Make sure to turn on your speakers.



Can you even believe that we're less than a week from Christmas? Wow! Time sure flies.

Blogger Homework

I'm excited to go to the blogger get-together here, and while getting ready I have homework.


How great is this? I almost have a built-in post ready-made for me. I just have to add a few important details, and Voila! Instant post for NaBloPoMo!


Yee-haw! Thanks girlies.


Here it goes:


What is your motto? Uhhh...I don't really have one? I guess if I had to choose I'd pick the one my mother told me many moons ago: When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping. What sage words of wisdom she imparted upon me. Nothing gives quite the pick-me-up as a little retail therapy. Cheaper than the shrink, too!

What superhuman power would you most like to have? Gotta agree with Alida, here. I'd love to be able to fly. I've always fantasized, since I was a kid, how neat it would be to fly. As an adult I'd love to be able to do that Star Trek transporter thing. Just think, how easy would long-distance travel be with kids. Uh-huh. Now you're crackin'...

What makes you laugh? Reading all these wonderful blogs. I'd also have to admit to a gloriously unrefined joy in listening to the 'Blue Collar Comedy Tour' CDs.

Cats or dogs? Once upon a time (read: pre-children) both. Nowadays, 1 kitty cat. In the future, say in 20 years or so when Sparkle-boo kicks the bucket, none. The chublet was tested at the allergist's office, and he's super allergic to cats and to a lesser extent dogs. **sigh** B.J. was really hoping to get a Bengal Cat, guess it has to wait 'til chublet is in college.


Would you rather be a little smarter or a little sexier? Sexier. Hands-down, sexier. (not PC...but ya know what? I don't care!!) See, I know what its like to be a bit of a brain, but the sexy part...well, all you have to do is read this previous post to get your answer. This pic is for you, Alida (the one I finally got around to scanning):

I'll just get someone to whack me with the 'smart stick' and I'll be both sexy and smart!


What is the one thing you'll never understand? Why, despite all our education, technology, and free social programs, there are such a high number of unwanted children born in our country. I just HATE this social epidemic, and I'll never understand it. There is absolutely no reason for it, and EVERY child should be wanted. Ok. Climbing down from my soap-box, now. However, I am still debating getting my very UN-p.c. bumper sticker made to stick on the back of my mommy-minivan:


Abstinance is best...but, it is easier to change a CONDOM than a DIAPER.


My life would be simpler if? I had all the answers to solve the moral, social, and ethical dilemmas that face our world. I don't, but it doesn't stop me from getting angry and outraged.

A self-cleaning house would be a good second-runner up to make life easier.


The big decision I'm currently wrestling with? Do I accept my Dad's offer to help pay for us to fly down to Florida for Christmas? The last time we flew down (on our nickel) we had such a lousy trip. In a nutshell (and to save this from being a rant) my Dad was a terrible host. So, do we chance it, with his financial help? Or do we stay here? What to do, what to do...

Fun Contest & The Gridiron

So, I'm always (wasting time) looking for new and interesting things online.

And I found this little contest, here, at a great li'l blog I often read, The Fabulous Mommy Fussypants' Guide to Life.


Hope you have a chance to take a peek. Have a great weekend. I'm already gearing up for tomorrow: Ducks vs. Arizona. I'm so stoked I get to go to this game. It has been a long time since I've had a chance to watch live college football.

Tomorrow's itinerary looks like this: Play with the kidlets all morning (B.J. has to work, and will be home around 10am--I hope!). Drive south about an hour and half, drop the kidlets off at my Dad's house. I'm so thrilled that my dad has graciously offered to watch my monkeys--it allows us to totally enjoy the game and, or course, The Tailgater!

Once we become singlized (as in, kid-less), we'll head to my FIL's house, park the car and walk the mile or so to Autzen Stadium, and get ready for some FOOTBALL! We'll enjoy the little soiree in the parking lot (I may even enjoy a beer--or three) and off to the game. It should be really good--they're ranked no. 4 in the Pac10 and it is going to be televised on FSN, the local stations, and ESPN. Pretty cool, huh?

I can hardly wait...

I'll update you...well...tomorrow!

I'm trying to link to someone else's blog...

My friend, Melody, sent me a link to her sister's blog with something she and her family wrote. They were guest bloggers on her sister's blog and chose to talk about the unintended insensitivities that people have when dealing with families of developmentally delayed children:

Things you should never say to parents of children with special needs:

http://aprilhenry.livejournal.com/142086.html

I really appreciate what she wrote. #6 is especially true for me.