Crap

She's at it again.

I'm heaving the sigh of a leaden hearted mother. Again.

I thought we were FINALLY past the eating the hair stuff. But, after a year plus hiatus, she's back to chowing down on it.

How utterly revolting. We'd finally decided that she could grow out her hair 'long and pretty' the way she wanted to (just like a princess), and things had been going so swell, until tonight. Yup.

I'd caught her every so often with her hair in her mouth, but only for seconds at a time. In fact, when she thought I wasn't aware of her actions, many times I saw her hair fall toward her mouth and watched her impatiently brush it away; out of her mouth.

Not so anymore. Whether she's eating her own hair, or off of the floor again remains to be identified. What has been certified is that she had hair in her fecal matter.

Eeew, gross.

And, the saddest part of it all? As I flushed the toilet, perplexed at the revolting pica rearing its putrid head again, it dawned on me to save said offense, to submit to the laboratory and finally, finally get her the 1:1 aide at school she so desperately needs. And, that 1/1,000 of a second my synapses fired too slow, away went the evidence that would grant her access to what she needs on her IEP.

Crap.

Apparently, my life still revolves around it.

Civil Disobedience: 2009

The late Charleton Heston, civil rights activist offered these words of wisdom nearly a decade ago about the culture war, and I certainly think they apply here [in today's climate]:

"You simply disobey. Peaceably, yes. Respectfully, of course. Nonviolently, absolutely. But when told how to think or what to say or how to behave, we don't. We disobey the social protocol that stifles and stigmatizes personal freedom.I learned the awesome power of disobedience from Dr. King who learned it from Gandhi, and Thoreau, and Jesus, and every other great man who led those in the right against those with the might.

"Disobedience is in our DNA. We feel innate kinship with that disobedient spirit that tossed tea into Boston Harbor , that sent Thoreau to jail, that refused to sit in the back of the bus, that protested a war in Viet Nam .

"In that same spirit, I'm asking you to disavow cultural correctness with massive disobedience of rogue authority, social directives, and onerous laws that weaken personal freedom.

"But be careful. It hurts. Disobedience demands that you put yourself at risk. Dr. King stood on lots of balconies. You must be willing to be humiliated, to endure the modern-day equivalent of the police dogs at Montgomery and the water Cannons at Selma . You must be willing to experience discomfort."

..."So that this nation may long endure, I urge you to follow in the hallowed footsteps of the great disobedience of history that freed exiles, founded religions, defeated tyrants, and yes, in the hands of an aroused rabble in arms and a few great men, by God's grace, built this country."

A run on guns...

Here's your interesting factoid for the day: gun dealers cannot get AR-15 rifles.

Huh?

Apparently, the general public has gotten so frightened by president-elect Obama, and his extreme anti-gun policies, that the factories that make these weapons are unable to keep up with the demand.



What will become of our Second Amendment, and its "negative liberties" under the Obama regime?



Only time will tell.

The 44th President of the United States of America

Well, he did it.

We have finally overcome whatever racial issues/prejudices we have held, as a country, and elected our first Black president*. We've come a long way. I can hardly even imagine: we've come from the 1860's where there were Blacks who were slaves, to the bigotry and prejudice of the pre-civil rights movement America, to today; we are finally beginning to see people instead of color.

Or, are we?

I have such mixed emotions about President-elect Obama. I would like to believe that people elected him based on his merit, his experience, and his political platform. However, I can't shake the idea that this particular election was more about race and prejudice than we want to admit.

Howard Stern proved how ignorant some of us are when he chose to do 'man on the street' interviews in the Bronx. Stern's show was asking passers-by who they intended to vote for, when the people answered "Obama" the interviewer would prompt with questions like "are you voting for Obama because of his pro-life beliefs and platform?" or "Because Obama wants our troops to stay in Iraq?" and the respondents would, shockingly, agree and say things like "yeah...I'm pro-life, and I'm voting for Obama because he's pro-life. And yeah, we don't want to pull out the troops." Essentially, the interviewer twisted everything around and presented McCain's platform, but saying it was Obama's. It was heartbreaking to me to hear it. To realize that so many of our American citizens are uninformed and so proud of their political beliefs/understanding and yet they have an equal vote to those who are informed...I can do no more than just shake my head. It makes me believe that they were voting for Obama not based on his political platform, but more for the pigmentation of his skin.

On the other side of the coin, we have McCain: the typical White Male In Power. By all accounts, if we Americans are as judgmental (racist) as we're portrayed to be, McCain should have won by a landslide. But, he didn't. In fact, he lost. One of the reasons that was brought to my attention was because of his age. "He would be, at age 71, the oldest president elect." To look at his age as a factor that counted against him i.e.(he's too old and doddering to make coherent decisions), isn't that yet another form of discrimination? Prejudice? Isn't it ageism? Does that mean that all older adults are incompetent, and that they should not be considered sentient, cerebral human beings? I sure hope not. That isn't to say that some folks as they get older don't suffer from diseases and 'old timers' that makes their intellect less sharp than it once was.

But, truly, can we say this election wasn't about prejudices? Is this yet another example of the 'Fleecing of America'? Let us hope not.

Let us not take what is evil and say that it is good. Let us not pervert the truth. Let us pray for our leaders that they make right choices for all of our people and the world, and that they do what is right, and good, and just. Let us hope...**





*(I don't like saying African-American, as all of us are equally American. Are we trying to suggest they feel more patriotic toward their ancestors' birth place? By suggesting 'African' first and 'American' second, it somehow seems anti-patriotic. We are all members of the same race: the human race. And, as an example, I don't refer to myself as a Norwegian-American...likely I am un-PC, but I don't mean it in any type of disrespectful way. I am described as 'white' they don't say 'Caucasian'. Sometimes I am referred to as 'Anglo' although, I find them term insulting. By assuming that I am Anglo based on my skin tone, you are completely discounting my heritage, it really can spiral out of control...you get the idea.)

**I hope I have not offended anyone. I don't wish to say one candidate was a better choice than the other. When it comes right down to it, I wasn't particularly impressed by EITHER candidate. I only write to sort out my own feelings and thoughts, that I might look back in the coming weeks and months to see what I was thinking at this time.

Decaf Coffee, and Other Forms of Horror

I survived day 1 and day 2 on the Atkins diet. Whew! Amazing.

For me this is huge. Gigantic. Ginormous! I usually seem to always cheat (myself), and when it comes down to it, I'm pretty far from a meat-atarian. In fact, for many years I didn't eat red meat at all (technically a lacto-ovo vegetarian). That worked well until I wound up in the hospital with anemia. So, even the doctor said that my 'diet' was ridiculous. Needless to say, I was bummed, but I learned to eat a hamburger now and then and I ate chicken.

Many of you have heard that when on the Atkins diet "if it has a face on it, you can eat it." That pretty much sums it up. Truly. And, for yours truly here, a non meat lover, this is tough. Really tough.

While at Yuppie Mecca (Costco) yesterday I about nearly keeled over dead just smelling all the fatteningly delicious baked goods: they were baking those damnable muffins while I was there. Curse you, Costco Bakery!! I even went so far as to be muttering "I'm going to die" under my breath. It is amazing just how fantastic of hearing my child has--the three year old got all freaked out and said "Mommy, you going to die?" I had to assuage his fears that, in fact, mommy wouldn't literally keel over that second. Fun. So, I had to suffer in silence, all while pretending to be happy about purchasing cheese, bacon, and tilex.

I have found, through a little creativity, that I can indulge in veggies--to a small degree. On the 'free list' of foods, salad greens show up. This is a happy thing, as I can have 2c. of mixed field greens topped with shredded cheddar and some grilled chicken breast for lunch, while leaving me an 'allotment' of 1c. of salad greens with dinner. The no fruits part of the diet is proving to be more challenging than I thought.

Just like me to pine away for apples or bananas while on the diet, whereas when I could eat them ad nauseum I could care less about them. I call it the 'Disney World Syndrome': every day of my life I can drink as much free, clean, drinkable tap water as I can handle--consequently I don't want it. I want coffee, soda, whatever, just not water. While at Disney, where the bottled water is roughly $6 a pint, I want nothing more than to chug it by the gallon. Go figure.

On the positive (maybe?) side, I have not had a single, solitary, drop of coffee [caffeine] since Saturday. I am seriously jonesing (bordering on 'triple shotgun murder'), so this morning I went to Wally-World and bought (gulp) decaf coffee. UGH! GAG! RETCH! But, at least I get to smell coffee-scented air, and have that hot, bitter liquid touch my tongue. At least my olfactory bulb is happier.

So far, so good. Keep rootin' for me. It helps (and probably the sub-lingual B-12 tablets, too!).

The last great frontier-

So, a long time ago I wrote about my "new lifestyle". Yeah, ahem, it didn't stick. I have been futzing around all year, and over the course of the summer I managed to gain back basically all of my weight.

Grumble, grr, ugh.

But, what was I to expect? I didn't try, and I had days where I downright binged on junk food. Why, oh why, was I not born one of those people, you know, the kind who whine that try as they might, even after eating the entire pan of brownies, they just can't seem to lose weight. Poor little darlings, someone should just drown them in a sack, like an old crotchety farmer and his unwanted barn cats. Put them out of their misery. (not really, but I do feel like saying nasty things when I hear folks like that; I want to say stuff like "yeah, you really are fat. You should go on a diet. Your cellulite shows when you wear shorts." But I don't...at least not out loud).

Anyhow, I have jumped on nearly all of the diet fad roller coasters, and had some measure of success on each of them--I just fizzle out and get lazy. I decide that the chips/cookie/mocha/whatever really is that important to me right now, and so I deviate from the 'plan' and sooner or later I fail.

I have heard the definition of insanity is 'doing the same thing over and over yet expecting a different result.' Based on that little tidbit of wisdom (and the fact that B.J. is getting fat--I told him only one of us is allowed to be fat, and well, I've already filled that position) I decided I'd try something utterly radical for me: Atkins.

I am and have always been a carb addict. Bread, cookies, cakes, chips, white starchy stuff, you name it, I'll crave and cram it. It is quite sick, actually. I can even trace the exact period in my life when I became severely addicted to carbs, or more specifically any kind of bread: I was just barely 8 years old, and it was shortly after my family's home had burned down (with my father and myself inside of it--it was 70% destroyed), and I found that if I stuffed my gullet with enough bread, I got this high. I suddenly would feel happy. And, let's face it, at the time I was homeless, momless (she had gone to take care of my ailing grandma, and was not home when all this went down), and pretty devastated and, upon reflection, in a deep depression: the bread made me happy. As an adult, I've realized it wasn't really the bread that did the trick, but the serotonin that was released as a result of eating that made me happy, so I guess that technically makes me a neurotransmitter junkie--I digress.

Anyhow, it was pretty much all downhill from there. I began my diet roller coaster of ups and downs, always seeking to be 'thin'.

Ironically, as an adult, I now realize that at the time I thought I was 'fat', at 5' 8" and 121lbs. I was anything but.

Sigh.

How warped we all see ourselves; perhaps, I had a touch of body dysmorphic disorder. At any rate, I talked myself into being fat, whether or not as a kid I really was. Don't fool yourself, I had some pudge in the middle, but nothing compared to today's belly shirt wearing juveniles who have a 'hangover' or 'muffin-top'.

So, in my roundabout-stream-of-consciousness type of writing, here's the point: I've decided to commit myself to 2 whole weeks of Atkins--virtually no carbs, and definitely not a slice of bread in sight.

B.J. has (reluctantly?) signed on with me. He told me he'd give it 2 weeks (all that I asked), and boy did he whine and complain today! You'd have thought he'd been sentenced to a desert island with nothing more than salt and lime to keep him company. I'll admit, I got a little edgy when I was at Life Source buying vitamins and I smelled the fresh apples--they were like a little slice of heaven on earth, I seriously had a tough time not buying a few to snack on.

For our first day, we did pretty good. Scrambled eggs with cheese for breakfast with DECAF (yag!) coffee (Atkins forbids the use of caffeine the first 2 weeks, to establish whether or not we are addicted (in my case, a big fat DUH!)). Lunch was a whopper, sans bun, with a side salad and diet coke. And dinner was fantastic. I made a recipe off of the Atkins site "Cheese N Chili Chops with Cauliflower Salad." It was absolutely delicious. Very easy, quick, and I had all the ingredients I needed, with the exception of cream cheese. Whether or not you are dieting, I would highly recommend this recipe. It is just scrumptious--a little bit of bite, and the pork is so tender, you could cut it with a butter knife.

So ends day 1. Wish me luck for patience, perseverance, and a sense of humor. I need it.

To post, or not to post...is it even a question?

Here we are again, NaBlPoMo.

Already.

I have hardly posted this year...I don't know why, I suppose because I haven't felt it for a while. And, here we are, November 1, 2008: the big question I've been asking myself is 'do I post or not'. And, truly, I'm not sure I've got an answer for myself.

So, in honor of my indecisiveness, I'm posting on 11-1-08, because, let's face it, if I decide to 'toss my hat into the ring' and I don't post this AM, well, it's all for naught.

Today the Peanut and I are headed up to OHSU for our LAST (Hallelujah! Can I get an 'Amen'?) appointment. We've been taking part in the Prosody of Language study for what seems like forever, and frankly, although it is good on many different levels to do it, I'm tired of dedicating all day every Saturday to it. I'm very much looking forward to having Saturdays for fun stuff again, even if 'fun' stuff only means a trip to Costco to spend entirely too much money and reinforce my shopping-for-groceries-once-a-month habit. Ahh, Costco...so much to look forward to.

Welcome aboard to a new year of (possible) posting insanity. Do you have your ticket to ride?