The last great frontier-

So, a long time ago I wrote about my "new lifestyle". Yeah, ahem, it didn't stick. I have been futzing around all year, and over the course of the summer I managed to gain back basically all of my weight.

Grumble, grr, ugh.

But, what was I to expect? I didn't try, and I had days where I downright binged on junk food. Why, oh why, was I not born one of those people, you know, the kind who whine that try as they might, even after eating the entire pan of brownies, they just can't seem to lose weight. Poor little darlings, someone should just drown them in a sack, like an old crotchety farmer and his unwanted barn cats. Put them out of their misery. (not really, but I do feel like saying nasty things when I hear folks like that; I want to say stuff like "yeah, you really are fat. You should go on a diet. Your cellulite shows when you wear shorts." But I don't...at least not out loud).

Anyhow, I have jumped on nearly all of the diet fad roller coasters, and had some measure of success on each of them--I just fizzle out and get lazy. I decide that the chips/cookie/mocha/whatever really is that important to me right now, and so I deviate from the 'plan' and sooner or later I fail.

I have heard the definition of insanity is 'doing the same thing over and over yet expecting a different result.' Based on that little tidbit of wisdom (and the fact that B.J. is getting fat--I told him only one of us is allowed to be fat, and well, I've already filled that position) I decided I'd try something utterly radical for me: Atkins.

I am and have always been a carb addict. Bread, cookies, cakes, chips, white starchy stuff, you name it, I'll crave and cram it. It is quite sick, actually. I can even trace the exact period in my life when I became severely addicted to carbs, or more specifically any kind of bread: I was just barely 8 years old, and it was shortly after my family's home had burned down (with my father and myself inside of it--it was 70% destroyed), and I found that if I stuffed my gullet with enough bread, I got this high. I suddenly would feel happy. And, let's face it, at the time I was homeless, momless (she had gone to take care of my ailing grandma, and was not home when all this went down), and pretty devastated and, upon reflection, in a deep depression: the bread made me happy. As an adult, I've realized it wasn't really the bread that did the trick, but the serotonin that was released as a result of eating that made me happy, so I guess that technically makes me a neurotransmitter junkie--I digress.

Anyhow, it was pretty much all downhill from there. I began my diet roller coaster of ups and downs, always seeking to be 'thin'.

Ironically, as an adult, I now realize that at the time I thought I was 'fat', at 5' 8" and 121lbs. I was anything but.

Sigh.

How warped we all see ourselves; perhaps, I had a touch of body dysmorphic disorder. At any rate, I talked myself into being fat, whether or not as a kid I really was. Don't fool yourself, I had some pudge in the middle, but nothing compared to today's belly shirt wearing juveniles who have a 'hangover' or 'muffin-top'.

So, in my roundabout-stream-of-consciousness type of writing, here's the point: I've decided to commit myself to 2 whole weeks of Atkins--virtually no carbs, and definitely not a slice of bread in sight.

B.J. has (reluctantly?) signed on with me. He told me he'd give it 2 weeks (all that I asked), and boy did he whine and complain today! You'd have thought he'd been sentenced to a desert island with nothing more than salt and lime to keep him company. I'll admit, I got a little edgy when I was at Life Source buying vitamins and I smelled the fresh apples--they were like a little slice of heaven on earth, I seriously had a tough time not buying a few to snack on.

For our first day, we did pretty good. Scrambled eggs with cheese for breakfast with DECAF (yag!) coffee (Atkins forbids the use of caffeine the first 2 weeks, to establish whether or not we are addicted (in my case, a big fat DUH!)). Lunch was a whopper, sans bun, with a side salad and diet coke. And dinner was fantastic. I made a recipe off of the Atkins site "Cheese N Chili Chops with Cauliflower Salad." It was absolutely delicious. Very easy, quick, and I had all the ingredients I needed, with the exception of cream cheese. Whether or not you are dieting, I would highly recommend this recipe. It is just scrumptious--a little bit of bite, and the pork is so tender, you could cut it with a butter knife.

So ends day 1. Wish me luck for patience, perseverance, and a sense of humor. I need it.